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Bullshit & Titties

Welcome to the first official blog of House of Hammm!


In today's Hammm Sauce I actually wanted to touch on the shit show that has been July, 2018. My Dad always said, bad things come in three's, but I think I proved him wrong this time around. #3 is my personal fav... just sayin.


1 - I learned a hard lesson in forgetfulness. I forgot to lock my car, and I had a hooligan rummage through it and steal a few minor items. Shoes, lighter, cheap shades...meh. I can deal. But, bitch took my car tweezers. Let me tell you something important here girls (guys). There are things growing on you that you will never see unless your in your vehicle looking in the mirror on the sun visor. I had some high quality, expensive tweezers in there for that specific reason. Thiefie better be looking flawless, using my damn tweezers and wearing my shoes.


2 - A group of addicts overdosed in our back alley, and one was DOA (dead on arrival). I actually have nothing witty to say in that regard, and have little detail other than there was a dead person leaning against our fence. Sad, but I digress. Next.


3 - I ran someone over with my car. Legit, no lies. I ran him over. It was a literal "Fucker Came Out Of Nowhere" moment (I bet you read that in Leslie Mann's drunken 40 Year Old Virgin slur). He rode his peddle bike into traffic, then under my car. Jump ahead, he is alive. I did however, break his walking legs. I was set at ease by the wonderful (and equally handsome!) YQL Police Force that came to the rescue, who informed me I was simply acting as a driving force (pun intended) of Karma for this specific individual. I had a heck of a Guardian Angel that day because I literally could have killed this dude, and the people who stopped to help us were actually from Victim Services and had their Service Dog Madison with them who kept me company and stress levels low as all the legal mumbo jumbo went down. As far as running over someone with your car goes, my experience was top notch! #firstrespondersrock


4 - I had the worlds dumbest thief in the store. I was suspicious of her actions the first time she shopped, but it was a busy day and I couldn't pin in on her specifically. However, dummie came back 2 days later, carrying a bag the stole from my store! She unfortunately got away with a lot more than the bag I later came to realize, but I guarantee she won't be back. I mean, doesn't she know? I run people over with cars. #karma


5 - My boyfriend stole my purse. Actually no, I'm lying. He just didn't realize it was in his truck and left me with no keys to my car OR the store! He had my keys to the store, he had his keys to the store, and the spare keys to the store. I was key less! This one is ultimately super minor, but definitely another notch in the belt of July. Thank Christ I have the Mother of all Mother's and Mama Rosie drove down from Stavely with my extra, extra, extra set of keys and let us all in! #mymomrocks


Why did I berade you will all this shit? To let you know that the Universe is ALWAYS going to test you. Always. You can either sit and piss in your poor me pot and wait for the situation to fix itself, or you can figure out what the lessons are, and fix that shit yourself.


So, why Bullshit & Titties? This is my Hammm Sauce way of telling you, when the world has you by the tits and is

trying to drag you down, you say "Leave your Bullshit at the door!"


#bullshitandtitties

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