The Poopgate Scandal of 2017
I have touched on this issue several times through Facebook, however very lightly. But now it's time to blow the issue out of the water! Uncover the scandal! Let it be knownst! I want to talk to you, nay preach to you about the importance of ethics. Being in the consignment business, I've seen some shit.
I remember it well. Fall, 2017. I was an eager young entrepreneur, full of chutzpah and gusto. It was a crisp day out, and I had received a box of items for inventory. Now, this was long before the days of going through items with consignors, signing disclosures and sending back non sale-able garments. I was green, and naive. I was working quietly in my back room tagging clothing, when it hits. There is poo in these pants.
ABORT MISSION! SANITATION BREACH! WOMEN & DOGS FIRST!
It was all too real.
Do you understand why ethics are important, people? Lack of ethics are what brought Nixon down at Watergate. Don't let another Poopgate bring me down.
Sadly, Poopgate is not the only trauma I've encountered in the inventory room at the House of Hammm. However, these encounters have given me a new set of skills. Very specific skills. Skills that not even Liam Neeson can hone in on.
I can tell that you don't wear panties. I can tell if you have a toddler at home. If you have a dog, I can usually pin point the breed. I can tell whether you are a red or a white wine drinker. I can tell what brand of deodorant you wear, and a plethora of other things that the average bear wouldn't know about a perfect stranger. I know these things because you tell me without actually telling me.
To bring ethical awareness to all consignors everywhere, I have kindly compiled some "Consignment Tips" from your friendly local consignment boutique:
Wash your clothes
I was not kidding when I said I can tell if you wear panties or not. If you feel I need to elaborate any further on that, go to the library immediately and get an anatomy book. If you have kids, wash your clothes twice. Then when you think, "Yeah, they are clean. They will be ok", wash them again. If you have dogs, wash your clothes, then bring your dogs in to see me. I love dogs. Vodka vomit hides in plain site. Wash your clothes, then party on Wayne.
Empty your pockets
If I had a dollar for every booger Kleenex I pulled out of pockets or purses, I would have $87,564.26. If I had a dollar for every Scotch mint I pulled out of pockets or purses, I would have $24,223.45. If I had a dollar for every dollar I pulled out of pockets or purses, I would have $8.00. Quit leaving mints and boogers in your purses and maybe forget a $20 bill now and then?
I cannot charge for sentimental value
Yes, your Santa sweater is cute but I can't charge someone money to purchase it because of the memory you have of spilling queso cheese and staining the sleeve that one time that was so special to you. Plus its July.
Just because it's in great condition does't mean I can sell it
Yes, I believe you looked fabulous when you wore this to your cousins wedding in 1992, but there are just some fashion trends should be set fire to and to never be recalled again.
Now, this is all very important Hammm Sauce. I'm telling you these things because consigning your clothing can actually make you a decent penny, or save you a bundle next time you shop with store credit. As most life instances, there are ethics to be adhered to in consignment and said ethics will help you in the long run! Also, I tell you these things so before you bring in your box of clothing, think of me. Think of me and the Poopgate Scandal of 2017.