What's a Mo?
In all my years of great fashion and even more years of being poorly dressed, I never actually bothered to figure out what Mohair was. All I knew was that it was itchy as fuck. That's that. I never wore it, never bought it, never thought about it...Until last week, when I unknowingly put on a Mohair sweater.
So many years of being Mo free, there were clearly some unanswered questions here.
Why was it so god damn itchy? What's it made from? What is a Mo???
You would think the name was enough justice it needed. Mohair, it must be some kind of hair, right? Animal hair, I would safely assume? Or is there some farm out there full of itchy, hairy humans being bred for their Mo? Is this where Sasquatch has been all this time?!?!
I knew it!! It's a God damn government conspiracy! Somebody call PETA.
But seriously, what is a Mo? Investigate, I must. Investigate, I did.
Mohair - is usually a silk-like fabric or yarn made from the hair of the Angora goat (not to be confused with the Angora rabbit which produces Angora wool).
Goats. That explains everything. Goats are assholes.
I've owned goats. I've nurtured goats. I've fed and watered goats. I've watched goats frolic in their wondrous, ever childlike ways. I've been in fist fights with goats. I've been backed into dark corners for what felt like hours by goats. I've gotten fleas from goats. I've gotten fleas a second time from goats. I do not enjoy goats.
I mean, yeah they are freaking adorable. Just look at that puddin! But I know under that luxurious mane of Mo there are some dead, hollow eyes staring at me, contemplating what fresh hell to make me endure next. You would think being itched to death by fleas and Mohair would be enough to do me in, but hey... here I am! Still kicking and writing shitty blogs about goats.
Wait... cashmere is soft, and it comes from a goat!! Answers please?!
I have scoured the internet in search of answers to why some fibers are itchy like Mo, and others like cashmere are soft and luxurious. Frankly I've come up with jack, but I admittedly also conducted an extremely lackluster search. My mediocre research has however concluded that it's as much about the type of animal the fibers come from, in addition to how the wool/hair is handled after shearing and how it's processed. I can guarantee there are far more reasons to why some are itchy and some aren't, but because I did such a half assed search, let's just agree that it's just one of those things that can never be explained and Mohair is just an itchy fiber and we should focus on its warmth and quite being such whiny bitches about it.
And yes, I am fully aware that I am the one being a whiny bitch about it here, but I'm so itchy...let me whine!
Maybe it's not that I don't enjoy goats. Maybe it's just that I've been rolling with a bad goat crowd. Here I am mingling with simple milk goats, and itchy, mo-making angora goats when I really needed to be bumping elbows with the cashmere's. I bet they would have never once head butted me in the crotch.
I bet they taste better too.